Purple: It's the new Red!

Public Schools. Unbelievable! A member of my family is doing her student teaching in one of the local public school districts. Last night, she told my wife about some of the daunting disparities she’s noticed between the schools she grew up in and the school district where she currently works. Did anyone else know that teachers cannot use red ink when correcting student’s coursework? Apparently, red ink is too damaging to the emotional well-being of the students. Teachers are now instructed to make all corrections in purple ink. Purple is not as mean-spirited as red.

Pardon me, but as I recall, the only red ink on my homework was on the items I completed incorrectly. If students are upset by the sight of red ink on their assignments, they don’t lack self esteem. They lack self control. They don’t need a different color to identify their errors. They need to put down the XBox controller and put their brain to work. For me, an abundance of red ink provided motivation to push myself to do a better job on my homework; to try harder next time. It helped me learn to be self-disciplined. I learned to say no to what I wanted to do, and yes to what I should do. “Going the basketball game with my friends sounds like fun but I need to stay home and study for the exam I have tomorrow.” Thank God nobody thought I was too fragile to face the real (red) consequences of my own behavior.

Why are we protecting our children from the feelings associated with mistakes and failure? Isn’t this part of life in the real world? Aren’t we robbing them of the invaluable learning opportunities inherent in these kinds of challenging circumstances? Who among us can’t point to specific moments in which our character was wrought in the midst of our own knuckle-headed handiwork? What is it about the words “you are wrong” that are so injurious to a child’s psyche? What happens when a generation of sissies who’ve been cotton-gloved through their formative years, is confronted with a world that is unyielding, unforgiving and immovable? Life is governed by principles that are true, regardless of whether or not we acknowledge them as such. When a generation of self-entitled, emotionally crippled people engage with those principles, we will witness – on a much grander scale – the very results these nonsensical rules have been designed to prevent.

Riding Away

Time is a callous thing, little one
Only moments ago you were new
Radiant
Wrapped in fresh soft safety
Today, I see that same baby girl
A bigger baby girl
Riding her pink two-wheeled delight in front of my house
So sure of yourself
Just like the other kids, now
The older kids
Pride on your face and wind in your hair
Tears in my eyes
I’m teaching you to steer, pedal
And stop
But I’m learning from you too
Unbeknownst to you
You’re teaching me how to let go of you
Time is a callous thing, little one
“Daddy Watch!” you sing with joy
“Not too fast, baby” I reply
But I’m not talking about the bike
Or your little legs as they propel you up the hill
Away from me
I’m talking about the lesson you’re teaching
The letting go of you
You see, at once I see you now
I see you back then
And I see the day when you’ll ride away for the last time
Time is a callous thing, little one
“Daddy Watch!”
I’ll be watching
I’ll be ready to help up you if you fall down
I’ll be clapping and cheering as you go
Pride on my face and tears in my eyes
Not too fast, baby
‘Cause nobody catches a daddy when his girl rides away
Time is a callous thing, little one

What is Your Life's Purpose?

What is your life’s purpose?

A friend recently asked me if I could answer that question. I said “yes”.  Since this blog is where I proudly display my volubly garrulous ramblings, I promised to answer in detail, on a blog in the near future.  I regret to inform you, dear reader, that the near future has arrived.  So, like it or not, this is my answer.  Be forewarned that you’re about to be exposed to a greater degree of openness and vulnerability than I have previously demonstrated on my blog.  Your “purpose” (whatever that may be) will likely differ from mine, but I hope you’ll read something herein that you respect.  I’d also like to add that I am trying daily to live up to this characterization of my life’s purpose.  This is what I aspire to, not what I’ve attained.   So, having read this, you’ll know more about what makes me tick.  Heck, writing it has helped me to recognize and appreciate what makes me tick!  I don’t presume that you care, but it’s here for you to read if you should wish to do so.

My life’s purpose is comprised of 3 categories: Lover, Priest, Teacher

Lover – My primary purpose in life is to love my family.  I believe that society is built on strong families.  Families are built upon strong marriages (between 1 human adult man and 1 human adult woman).  As the family goes, so goes the society.  Therefore, the most significant work I’ll ever do is within the walls of my own home.  Left to my own devices (read: vices), I can be ferociously selfish.  Since this is counterproductive to love, I have had to find external examples of loving fathers that I can model.  For me the best example of a loving father is God.  His love is selfless, boundless, enduring and unconditional.  It’s impossible for me to love like He does, but he’s my ultimate role model.  So, I love my family by serving them, intentionally pursuing relationships with each of them individually, providing for them, listening and responding to them, and protecting them – even to the point of giving up my own life, if necessary.   I take responsibility for (and consider myself ultimately accountable for) the spiritual, emotional, mental and physical well-being of my wife and each of our children.  So, I endeavor to love them by serving them in a way that addresses those needs in a balanced way. 

Minister – This one may seem peculiar to some.  What comes to mind when you consider a minister?  For me, I think of someone who teaches and serves people on behalf of God, and someone who seeks God on behalf of people.  So, my purpose in my home is to represent my family before God in prayer.  I do this by praying for their safety, their growth, their everyday needs, their yet-unknown future needs, health, happiness, joy etc.  I also represent God in their lives.  I can accomplish this in many ways, such as speaking wisdom into their lives, setting the spiritual and emotional tone for our household, providing a framework of morals, boundaries and discipline, providing for their physical needs and (most importantly) demonstrating healthy behavior and habits for them to model.  It’s also imperative that I live out my relationship with God in front of them so that they can see that he’s real and that he is involved in the daily life of our family.

Teacher – I am responsible to make sure that my children are trained and equipped to live a healthy, responsible adult life.  I believe that they will learn more from how I live than they will from what I say.  So my purpose is to teach them by authentically, transparently living, working, succeeding and failing on display.  I will teach them about marriage by loving their mother and jealously guarding my time with her.  I will teach them about stewardship by paying my bills and maintaining my car.  I will teach them about humility by failing, admitting it and trying again.  They will learn about faith and who God is by watching me as I learn the very same thing.  I will also teach them a host of other lessons by doing the things I don’t even know I’m doing.  Chilling thought!  

So, my purpose isn’t anything profound or lofty.  It’s quite simple.  I strive to live a life that will be worthy of eulogizing when my children bury me (God willing).  Regardless of how much money I make or how many earthly treasures I gather along the way, in the end I want my family to know that they were the apple of my eye.  I want them to know that nothing mattered more to me than them.  I want them to remember me as one who was rigorously honest, passionately present, and unwaveringly committed to them.  If I fail at that, no other success will have tipped the scales of significance in my favor.  I will have failed to fulfill my purpose.

 

Dare to Discipline

One of my PMP colleagues recently shared an article with me.  The author espoused the absurd, nonsensical notion that spanking one’s children is a destructive and ineffective means of administering discipline in the home.  The author was a (probably childless) liberal lefty, who’s never had to test his preposterous hypothesis in the battleground laboratory of his own home, with his own offspring.  In my opinion, he’s talking absolute unqualified bollocks.

I spank my children.  4 out of 5 of them have been spanked in the last calendar week.  The 5^th is only 10 months old but already she’s letting us know that she wants to get her turn on the business end of what The Skinnies call the “spankin’ stick”.   It isn’t fun to spank my kids.  I don’t particularly enjoy doing it.  In fact, most of the time I’m in conflict with myself (in my head, not out loud) right up until the moment that the spankin’ stick impacts the white meat on their hind parts.  But I have to say that something happens in our home when I have to administer corporal punishment upon the tenderloins of one of The Skinnies.  Chaos is squelched.  Order is restored.  When one is spanked, there is a collective sigh of relief amidst the others.  It’s as if, one at a time, they subconsciously sacrifice themselves for each other.  The individual, with his or her trespass, reminds the group where the boundaries lie, and where safety thrives.  In the moments that follow, the quarreling ceases, self wills turn compliant, and the soprano-pitched shrieking assertion of words like “mine” and “stop” begins to diminish.       

Furthermore, when The Skinnies spend time around their peers who happen to live in homes where consistent, loving discipline (i.e. spanking) isn’t administered, the efficacy of our approach to discipline is even more evident.  In my non-scientific and highly empirical opinion, the hatchlings from those nests are more inclined to challenge authority and behave disrespectfully.  Those are dangerous habits for a young person to establish.  In fact, they can grow into character traits that powerfully influence the course of a person’s life. 

So, for the record, I’ll not be sparing the rod.